Hi Porchers,

 

Rev. Dave here.  Last week we had a great experience ending our Love-Sex-God message series with a Q&A dialogue at the end of our gathering.  The only drawback is that we needed more time to talk and discuss.  So it has been suggested to me that it would be good to continue the discussion by answering a couple of the questions we received on Sunday and let folks think, discuss and comment for themselves.

 

A big question was about singleness, sex, and the soul.  First off I want to acknowledge that is totally unrealistic to assume that everyone is a virgin until they are married.  Thinking that way is just playing pretend and leads to a bullshit faith.  Even vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, a huge political figure for fundamentalist Christians, has begun to realize this as her unwed daughter’s pregnancy opened her eyes to the flaws in abstinence only sex-education.

So the question that gets asked is if having “sex for sex’s sake” (sex outside of a covenantal relationship) is bad or wrong.

 

My answer begins with saying that first off, the issue isn’t about sex being wrong.  I don’t think anyone should be going to jail for a one night stand, assuming it was consensual and not deceptive.

My answer is from a spiritual perspective, which understands sex to be a tremendous God-given gift to connect two souls intimately.  Your sexuality can support your fidelity to this connection and intimacy.  This is the standard.  This is the purpose.  This is the goal.  Everything short of that (whether in marriage or outside of it) is poor stewardship of the incredible gift that is our sexuality.  It is wasteful.

Additionally, and here we get into the idea of sinful sexuality, our sexual habits create patterns in our lives.  When our sexuality is used in such a way that it is not connecting us to another, when it is not supporting the fidelity of that connection, or when it is actually distorting our relationships, the effects build up inside of us.  Porn addicts can no longer connect to real people in a sexual way.  People used to wild one-night stands have trouble joining another in real intimacy. 

So the answer to the dilemma of the single sex life has two sides.  Is just doing it for the sake of sex simply wrong, unjust, and makes you a bad person?  No (assuming its consensual, non-deceptive, precautions are taken etc…)

Does it have consequences related to spiritual nature of sexuality? (the ability to connect in true love and intimacy) Yes.  And like a drug, it’s effects build up in your system.

So my point is not about making anyone feel guilty when it comes to sex, but you better not feel greedy either.  Sexuality is a gift, and we are each stewards of that gift.

Finally, my hope and prayer is that none of you become so jaded that you feel that a real loving, covenantal relationship where your sexuality can be expressed fully and intimately is beyond you so you take getting a little on the side as your alternative.

 

The next question relates to whether people in love need to get married.

 

My answer is emphatically “NO!”  Love is great.  Marriage is about committing to one other person to do this life together.  The covenant is inspired by love, but ultimately it is about commitment.  You don’t need to be married to love someone deeply.  Marriage takes it to another level of depth, meaning, purpose, and joy.  But it also takes it to another level of struggle and challenge.

I, like many others, am discouraged by the high divorce rates in our country.  Many say the solution is to make a divorce harder to get.  I believe that exactly the opposite is true.  We need to make getting married harder to do.  To many people get married thinking it’s about love.  It’s not.  It’s about a commitment, it’s about a sacred covenant.

Some say that the purpose of marriage is happiness.  That’s a bunch of BS.  Happiness is not the purpose of marriage.  Happiness is the outcome of a couples authentic devotion to their marital covenant.  Happiness is the result of an intimate commitment that a couple has to each other.  Love is great.  But marriage is about the commitment.

 

Those are some of my thoughts, I hope you take them, think about them, and wrestle with this stuff for yourself.

 

See you Sunday,

 

In faith,

 

Pastor Dave